No One's Listening

Dear Jealousy,

Please, be my friend
I will keep you around
When no one else
Will sit with me

Dear Spitefulness,

Please, be my friend
I’ll play games with you
When I don’t understand
The rules the other play by

Dear Indecision,

Please, be my friend
You can hold my hand
So no one else
Will have the chance to hurt me

Dear Hypocrisy,

Please, be my friend
If someone does hurt me
Your kind touch
Makes it go away

Dear Bitterness,

Please, be my friend
We’ll play hind-n-seek
I’ll hide
See if you can find me

Dear Flattery,

Please, be my friend
I’ll run off with you
Every time someone else
Gets too close

Dear Impatience,

Please, be my friend
We can have such good times
Just don’t forget
Who I am

Dear Loneliness,

Please, be my friend
In fact be my best friend
Nothing
Could keep us apart

Dear Depression,

Please, be my friend
I will be your friend too
If you promise me
To not scare my other friends away

Dear Jealousy,

Please, be my friend
When my other friends fail me
I know I’ll always have you
To keep me company

I encountered perfection once
I did
I could almost swear it
At least,
My idea of perfection
I’m not really sure
That perfection can actually exist
I thought my standards to be impossible
But somehow
She met them
Perhaps I set the bar too high
Or just expect too much
I’m sure I’m not making the mistake
Of comparing the past
At any rate,
There she came
Much to my delight…
…or was it fear?
The feeling that I felt
Was joy mixed with dread
What a strong combination
Don’t you agree?
It was winter
It was freezing
Maybe that had something to do with it
My heart was literally reeling
With happiness and…
…was it contempt?
The strangest thing of all
Was when the evil took hold
Demanding me to punish this heavenly creature
Punishing myself
That’s what I was doing
I struck out
But not actively
Passively
By not showing up
Perhaps worse than anything else
I struck out with my own disappearance
Soon the angry calls went away
But the nagging in my brain never subsided
There was no pleasure in my punishment
Just bewilderment and disbelief
When the dust finally settled
I could hardly figure it out
Was that me who suicided my chances?
Or just someone on my behalf
While my soul took a vacation…
“Never let anyone get too close,”
The voice inside my brain keeps repeating
“Never let anyone get too close.
“Sacrifice all for the pleasure of being lonely,”
And this is where the real war is waged
Sadly the wrong side has almost won
Because the more I separate myself
The more numb I become
A hollow shell
Echoing a life that once was there
But buried beneath my defenses
Is a frightened and woeful heart
No one will guess it!
My secret is safe with me!

Everyone in life needs a good deed,
A happy ending at the end of a day,
A warm feeling about themselves,
For being nice,
For helping others,
For offering to pay

Life is a game of use and be used.
Or at least that’s the rules some people play.
But the strange things people get used for,
Take my senses,
To another level,
Or completely away

In love and marriage there’s an agreement,
To meet the other’s needs ‘til death do us part,
Not necessarily to love that other person,
But to hold them,
Satisfy them,
And share your heart.

It’s a messed up way of life in my opinion,
But the majority thinks that it’s smart,
To ‘survive’ life on top for yourself
It’s a tradition.
It’s a religion.
It’s a perfected art.

Well, the using I’m talking about here on this day,
Is a strange kind of love that some people give,
Its in tolerating someone every day,
Being nice
Giving them hope,
The desire to live

The funny thing is that when it all comes down,
It’s just a game majority likes to play,
No conspiracy that actually was planned,
But an act,
That lasts,
Through every day

So you really don’t like this guy,
You’re pretending to be nice,
You’re putting on a show,
For this despicable person
You’d rather not suffer his company,
But you feel this good deed,
Will make you feel better in the end,
So you deceive and you tease,
And your life is that much more complete.

This guy is here to thank you,
For extending his life span,
Because if it wasn’t for your show,
Long ago,
It was over,
For this man

But your selfishness for yourself,
Your desire to make yourself feel good,
Has backfired and you actually did,
Do something,
For someone else,
Like you should

This guy thanks you for your treachery,
For at least helping him to stay alive,
But all good shows come to a close,
They end,
There’s a war,
Few survive.

You are only alive if you are living today.
Don’t live in the past.
Remember it,
Love it,
and learn from it.
Don’t worry about the future.
Embrace it,
and prepare for it.
But remember:
Life is here and now,
happening one second at a time.
Live each precious second.

Everything I do is important
What I do and where I go carries weight
How I do the things I do is supreme though
To succeed I must choose to do things great

No matter how important
No matter the effect
Whether it affects me quite directly
Or does not even indirect
It all displays the person I am
It assigns my worth or my value
So even when no one is looking to see
When I do something I should follow through

To stay alive in this world of troubles
I must be nothing short of great
But to rise above all else here
I must assign myself one single trait
The trait must be exceeding
The expectations of the task at hand
So when it is necessary for me to do something
I must make my results quite grand

And this is the way of success
This is the way my life shall be run
And I am convinced in my own mind
That if I follow this rule I will become
Someone greater that ever imagined
Someone rarely seen in this world before
Yes, I see success on the horizon
But I will attain it because I ask for more

I wrestle with demons every single day.
Not with affliction of oppression,
Not with temptation or desire,
But these demons are the ones I’ve created,
And every day I try to quench my own fire.

I wrestle with the demon of bondage,
Being a slave to myself is my sin.
It seems that when I’m faced with decisions,
My lesser side always gives in.

I wrestle with the demon of pride.
I lie to myself every day.
And I try to believe I’m justified
For the bad things I do; bad things I say.

I wrestle with the demon of regret.
How do I change what I’ve done?
Living with mistakes so unchangeable,
Every day does not make living fun.

I wrestle with the demon of guilt,
Knowing I’ve caused someone harm.
To take back all the pain I’ve inflicted,
I so gladly would give my right arm.

I wrestle with the demon of detachment,
Trying hard to divorce my past.
To live with the real me is unbearable,
But denial like that can never last.

I wrestle with the demon of depression.
When I face reality my heart is so sad.
I’ve done so little good that I’m worthless.
I live with knowing I’ve done so much bad.

I wrestle with the demon of not knowing
How to pick up from here and move on.
If only I could start my life over,
Or just make all my demons be gone.

The mask
The mask is coming off.
Sound, slicing through
The stale night air,
Stands pale
Against the sky of black
Waving, curling, weaving,
Drifting on a dream,
Floating on a misconception
Of beauty.
And what it all means.
Beauty equates
And all else fades away.
Failure can never redeem
The pain I felt then.
Scars remain and the lie remains.
The lie
That pain melts away
With Time.
It scars deeper,
Burrowing in the depths
Of my innermost weaknesses,
Shining out at my moments,
Moments of vulnerability,
Gathering momentum
With each brush
Of warm Skin.

Push and drag
Your jewels through the mud.
Carry your own shit
On your own shoulders.
I’ve got my own
Pulling me down
Down to my basic levels.
The measure of a man
Seems insignificant now,
Now that I’m naked
And standing in the light.
Make way for the king
Of the world
Limited by his own
Inhibitions,
Insecurities,
Tears that hang on the lashes,
Never releasing
Adding moisture to the breeze.
Insult to injury
Unreleased.
I smell my own stench
Afraid to share it with others.

Whom do I distrust?
Contemplation?
Thoughts on my existence?
Can it be that bad?
Will I ever find out?
Never
Never – as long
As I melt with magma
The core of my sins
Hidden, brooding, boiling,
Hatred spurning
Love.
Where did it come from?
Did the breezes return?
Carrying life back
In an unending circle?
It remained all along
Just in different places
At different times.
Inter-dimensional,
Multi-faceted
`Tis the curse
Of he who gives blessings.

Bless this one, oh Lord
Bless her
Make her whole
With or without me,
Love runs its course.

She’s a bubbling inspiration
Of countless untold joys,
And secret violations,
And deadly inhibitions…
On the tip of my tongue lies the honey
For the words I can’t seem to find.
She may laugh and think this if funny,
But this description belongs to me;
It is mine.

In her lie many words,
Secret and hidden,
Some words of untold beauties
Some of perversions forbidden.
Yet, like a lark,
Her merry heart is so astounding.
It overflows with an epidemic of joy.
It’s contagious;
It seems to surround me.
`Tis enough to leave one’s head pounding.

A little rhyme,
A note, an aire:
These are what she gives,
What she has to offer.
But few know
There is so much more there.
Secrets her eyes tell,
Secrets she whispers even softer.

It’s the end of her,
But it’s not the end of me.
My heart’s about to break
As I see her slip beneath the waves.
An ocean of death rolls over her.
What can I do to save her?
Blindly she walks forward
Into the demon’s arms.
Blindly she is drawn to death.
Blindly she is going down,
Bound against a stone.
Powerless to interfere
I watch in horror
The scene laid out before my eyes.
I don’t know how I’ll make it
When she’s gone,
Gone to love’s binding grave.
But, the guilt I feel now
Will never go away
Although I may not end today
Today I watch my sister die.