newZness

I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I am a demon disguised as a man.
You think that I’m good
You think that you know me,
But you can’t begin
To know
My master plan.

A crazy notion that I once had
Involved you and I in a dance
Or perhaps more of a duel
At any rate: romance
How foolish of me to come to the conclusion
That your heart I had the courage to win
For who can tempt a spider off her web?

Once up on a time
In never-never land
Innocence was lost
It’s never what you plan

Sadness used to be
Such a trivial affair
Now it’s dark and painful
Because you learned how to care

Wide-eyed child
Never again
Wasted youth
Unforgivable sin

Tragedy befell you
Both sides of the ball
Both sides
Of life’s flaws

Which came first?
The sinner of the sin?
When will it stop?
When will the nightmare end?

You first noticed the longing
Bud didn’t recognize
That growing void inside you
That emptiness in your eyes

Fruitless pleasure
Trivial pursuits
Nothing satisfies
Or nourishes deep roots

The aging that you feel
Is far to close to real
And life’s ironic trials
Your life they want to steal
You mask it with manners
You hide just like a child
Behind a playful spirit
And behavior young and wild

But nothing can replace
The time you let slip away
Not just the time you’ve seen
But with tomorrow’s time you’ve paid

This seriousness
This sadness
Floods your soul
This emptiness
This longing
Steals your joy
This bitterness
This pain
Sears your pride
This regret
This guilt
Forces your true self
To hide

Unspoken joy surrounds your face
Warmth and light
Beginnings
You light up my mornings
Every single day
Thoughtful and kind
Inspired

Beauty is in a smile
That begins in your heart
Flowing from the soul
Filled with immeasurable joy
Joy that overflows
For it can’t be contained
Yours is in me now
For I caught it today
The first time I saw you
Bubbles on the breeze
Dizzy spells subside
But the impression never leaves

For on your face
In your eyes
A sparkle
A sense
Of pride
A glow
Aura shine
Karma, Chi
Positive
Mine

It can spread through your body
To your fingertips and toes
And it’s really quite amazing
The power that it holds
For who could have guessed
Who could have foreseen
That I could be so happy
And life so sublime
At a moment’s notice
Form the comfort
That is found
In a smile

Dear Jealousy,

Please, be my friend
I will keep you around
When no one else
Will sit with me

Dear Spitefulness,

Please, be my friend
I’ll play games with you
When I don’t understand
The rules the other play by

Dear Indecision,

Please, be my friend
You can hold my hand
So no one else
Will have the chance to hurt me

Dear Hypocrisy,

Please, be my friend
If someone does hurt me
Your kind touch
Makes it go away

Dear Bitterness,

Please, be my friend
We’ll play hind-n-seek
I’ll hide
See if you can find me

Dear Flattery,

Please, be my friend
I’ll run off with you
Every time someone else
Gets too close

Dear Impatience,

Please, be my friend
We can have such good times
Just don’t forget
Who I am

Dear Loneliness,

Please, be my friend
In fact be my best friend
Nothing
Could keep us apart

Dear Depression,

Please, be my friend
I will be your friend too
If you promise me
To not scare my other friends away

Dear Jealousy,

Please, be my friend
When my other friends fail me
I know I’ll always have you
To keep me company

I encountered perfection once
I did
I could almost swear it
At least,
My idea of perfection
I’m not really sure
That perfection can actually exist
I thought my standards to be impossible
But somehow
She met them
Perhaps I set the bar too high
Or just expect too much
I’m sure I’m not making the mistake
Of comparing the past
At any rate,
There she came
Much to my delight…
…or was it fear?
The feeling that I felt
Was joy mixed with dread
What a strong combination
Don’t you agree?
It was winter
It was freezing
Maybe that had something to do with it
My heart was literally reeling
With happiness and…
…was it contempt?
The strangest thing of all
Was when the evil took hold
Demanding me to punish this heavenly creature
Punishing myself
That’s what I was doing
I struck out
But not actively
Passively
By not showing up
Perhaps worse than anything else
I struck out with my own disappearance
Soon the angry calls went away
But the nagging in my brain never subsided
There was no pleasure in my punishment
Just bewilderment and disbelief
When the dust finally settled
I could hardly figure it out
Was that me who suicided my chances?
Or just someone on my behalf
While my soul took a vacation…
“Never let anyone get too close,”
The voice inside my brain keeps repeating
“Never let anyone get too close.
“Sacrifice all for the pleasure of being lonely,”
And this is where the real war is waged
Sadly the wrong side has almost won
Because the more I separate myself
The more numb I become
A hollow shell
Echoing a life that once was there
But buried beneath my defenses
Is a frightened and woeful heart
No one will guess it!
My secret is safe with me!

Everyone in life needs a good deed,
A happy ending at the end of a day,
A warm feeling about themselves,
For being nice,
For helping others,
For offering to pay

Life is a game of use and be used.
Or at least that’s the rules some people play.
But the strange things people get used for,
Take my senses,
To another level,
Or completely away

In love and marriage there’s an agreement,
To meet the other’s needs ‘til death do us part,
Not necessarily to love that other person,
But to hold them,
Satisfy them,
And share your heart.

It’s a messed up way of life in my opinion,
But the majority thinks that it’s smart,
To ‘survive’ life on top for yourself
It’s a tradition.
It’s a religion.
It’s a perfected art.

Well, the using I’m talking about here on this day,
Is a strange kind of love that some people give,
Its in tolerating someone every day,
Being nice
Giving them hope,
The desire to live

The funny thing is that when it all comes down,
It’s just a game majority likes to play,
No conspiracy that actually was planned,
But an act,
That lasts,
Through every day

So you really don’t like this guy,
You’re pretending to be nice,
You’re putting on a show,
For this despicable person
You’d rather not suffer his company,
But you feel this good deed,
Will make you feel better in the end,
So you deceive and you tease,
And your life is that much more complete.

This guy is here to thank you,
For extending his life span,
Because if it wasn’t for your show,
Long ago,
It was over,
For this man

But your selfishness for yourself,
Your desire to make yourself feel good,
Has backfired and you actually did,
Do something,
For someone else,
Like you should

This guy thanks you for your treachery,
For at least helping him to stay alive,
But all good shows come to a close,
They end,
There’s a war,
Few survive.

You are only alive if you are living today.
Don’t live in the past.
Remember it,
Love it,
and learn from it.
Don’t worry about the future.
Embrace it,
and prepare for it.
But remember:
Life is here and now,
happening one second at a time.
Live each precious second.

Everything I do is important
What I do and where I go carries weight
How I do the things I do is supreme though
To succeed I must choose to do things great

No matter how important
No matter the effect
Whether it affects me quite directly
Or does not even indirect
It all displays the person I am
It assigns my worth or my value
So even when no one is looking to see
When I do something I should follow through

To stay alive in this world of troubles
I must be nothing short of great
But to rise above all else here
I must assign myself one single trait
The trait must be exceeding
The expectations of the task at hand
So when it is necessary for me to do something
I must make my results quite grand

And this is the way of success
This is the way my life shall be run
And I am convinced in my own mind
That if I follow this rule I will become
Someone greater that ever imagined
Someone rarely seen in this world before
Yes, I see success on the horizon
But I will attain it because I ask for more