newZness

Milk white,
Soft and smooth
A blanket of snow
Glowing at the dawn.

The promise of hope
A touch of beauty
Something sustains me
Through Winter’s chill.

If I could hold it
It would slip through my fingers
But nothing goes wrong
And life tumbles on
As my destiny I wait to fulfill.

From the top of a scale
To the bottom of despair
Sing a sad song
Find me.

Open up a book
Flip through the pages
Or just the cover art
Discover me.

To truly know my roots
You’ve gotta be where I’ve been
To truly feel my love
You’ve gotta know me.

So run through a forest
Climb the tallest tree
But on the way down
Just don’t forget
To every branch hit
When your body writhes in pain
You’re with me.

Now twist into a shape
And spring out of it again
And repeat with pulsing rhythm
Don’t lose me.

Lose yourself
Forget who your are
Simply play life’s roles
Detached from it all
And when there’s little left
Just a black and empty void
You’ve arrived at my home
My cave, and my womb
The home that is me
My canvas.

From the top of a scale
To the bottom of despair
Sing a sad song
Find me.

Open up a book
Flip through the pages
Or just the cover art
Discover me.

To truly know my roots
You’ve gotta be where I’ve been
To truly feel my love
You’ve gotta know me.

So run through a forest
Climb the tallest tree
But on the way down
Just don’t forget
To every branch hit
When your body writhes in pain
You’re with me.

Now twist into a shape
And spring out of it again
And repeat with pulsing rhythm
Don’t lose me.

Lose yourself
Forget who your are
Simply play life’s roles
Detached from it all
And when there’s little left
Just a black and empty void
You’ve arrived at my home
My cave, and my womb
The home that is me
My canvas.

I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I am a demon disguised as a man.
You think that I’m good
You think that you know me,
But you can’t begin
To know
My master plan.

A crazy notion that I once had
Involved you and I in a dance
Or perhaps more of a duel
At any rate: romance
How foolish of me to come to the conclusion
That your heart I had the courage to win
For who can tempt a spider off her web?

Once up on a time
In never-never land
Innocence was lost
It’s never what you plan

Sadness used to be
Such a trivial affair
Now it’s dark and painful
Because you learned how to care

Wide-eyed child
Never again
Wasted youth
Unforgivable sin

Tragedy befell you
Both sides of the ball
Both sides
Of life’s flaws

Which came first?
The sinner of the sin?
When will it stop?
When will the nightmare end?

You first noticed the longing
Bud didn’t recognize
That growing void inside you
That emptiness in your eyes

Fruitless pleasure
Trivial pursuits
Nothing satisfies
Or nourishes deep roots

The aging that you feel
Is far to close to real
And life’s ironic trials
Your life they want to steal
You mask it with manners
You hide just like a child
Behind a playful spirit
And behavior young and wild

But nothing can replace
The time you let slip away
Not just the time you’ve seen
But with tomorrow’s time you’ve paid

This seriousness
This sadness
Floods your soul
This emptiness
This longing
Steals your joy
This bitterness
This pain
Sears your pride
This regret
This guilt
Forces your true self
To hide

Unspoken joy surrounds your face
Warmth and light
Beginnings
You light up my mornings
Every single day
Thoughtful and kind
Inspired

Beauty is in a smile
That begins in your heart
Flowing from the soul
Filled with immeasurable joy
Joy that overflows
For it can’t be contained
Yours is in me now
For I caught it today
The first time I saw you
Bubbles on the breeze
Dizzy spells subside
But the impression never leaves

For on your face
In your eyes
A sparkle
A sense
Of pride
A glow
Aura shine
Karma, Chi
Positive
Mine

It can spread through your body
To your fingertips and toes
And it’s really quite amazing
The power that it holds
For who could have guessed
Who could have foreseen
That I could be so happy
And life so sublime
At a moment’s notice
Form the comfort
That is found
In a smile

Dear Jealousy,

Please, be my friend
I will keep you around
When no one else
Will sit with me

Dear Spitefulness,

Please, be my friend
I’ll play games with you
When I don’t understand
The rules the other play by

Dear Indecision,

Please, be my friend
You can hold my hand
So no one else
Will have the chance to hurt me

Dear Hypocrisy,

Please, be my friend
If someone does hurt me
Your kind touch
Makes it go away

Dear Bitterness,

Please, be my friend
We’ll play hind-n-seek
I’ll hide
See if you can find me

Dear Flattery,

Please, be my friend
I’ll run off with you
Every time someone else
Gets too close

Dear Impatience,

Please, be my friend
We can have such good times
Just don’t forget
Who I am

Dear Loneliness,

Please, be my friend
In fact be my best friend
Nothing
Could keep us apart

Dear Depression,

Please, be my friend
I will be your friend too
If you promise me
To not scare my other friends away

Dear Jealousy,

Please, be my friend
When my other friends fail me
I know I’ll always have you
To keep me company

I encountered perfection once
I did
I could almost swear it
At least,
My idea of perfection
I’m not really sure
That perfection can actually exist
I thought my standards to be impossible
But somehow
She met them
Perhaps I set the bar too high
Or just expect too much
I’m sure I’m not making the mistake
Of comparing the past
At any rate,
There she came
Much to my delight…
…or was it fear?
The feeling that I felt
Was joy mixed with dread
What a strong combination
Don’t you agree?
It was winter
It was freezing
Maybe that had something to do with it
My heart was literally reeling
With happiness and…
…was it contempt?
The strangest thing of all
Was when the evil took hold
Demanding me to punish this heavenly creature
Punishing myself
That’s what I was doing
I struck out
But not actively
Passively
By not showing up
Perhaps worse than anything else
I struck out with my own disappearance
Soon the angry calls went away
But the nagging in my brain never subsided
There was no pleasure in my punishment
Just bewilderment and disbelief
When the dust finally settled
I could hardly figure it out
Was that me who suicided my chances?
Or just someone on my behalf
While my soul took a vacation…
“Never let anyone get too close,”
The voice inside my brain keeps repeating
“Never let anyone get too close.
“Sacrifice all for the pleasure of being lonely,”
And this is where the real war is waged
Sadly the wrong side has almost won
Because the more I separate myself
The more numb I become
A hollow shell
Echoing a life that once was there
But buried beneath my defenses
Is a frightened and woeful heart
No one will guess it!
My secret is safe with me!