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I wrestle with demons every single day.
Not with affliction of oppression,
Not with temptation or desire,
But these demons are the ones I’ve created,
And every day I try to quench my own fire.

I wrestle with the demon of bondage,
Being a slave to myself is my sin.
It seems that when I’m faced with decisions,
My lesser side always gives in.

I wrestle with the demon of pride.
I lie to myself every day.
And I try to believe I’m justified
For the bad things I do; bad things I say.

I wrestle with the demon of regret.
How do I change what I’ve done?
Living with mistakes so unchangeable,
Every day does not make living fun.

I wrestle with the demon of guilt,
Knowing I’ve caused someone harm.
To take back all the pain I’ve inflicted,
I so gladly would give my right arm.

I wrestle with the demon of detachment,
Trying hard to divorce my past.
To live with the real me is unbearable,
But denial like that can never last.

I wrestle with the demon of depression.
When I face reality my heart is so sad.
I’ve done so little good that I’m worthless.
I live with knowing I’ve done so much bad.

I wrestle with the demon of not knowing
How to pick up from here and move on.
If only I could start my life over,
Or just make all my demons be gone.

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The mask
The mask is coming off.
Sound, slicing through
The stale night air,
Stands pale
Against the sky of black
Waving, curling, weaving,
Drifting on a dream,
Floating on a misconception
Of beauty.
And what it all means.
Beauty equates
And all else fades away.
Failure can never redeem
The pain I felt then.
Scars remain and the lie remains.
The lie
That pain melts away
With Time.
It scars deeper,
Burrowing in the depths
Of my innermost weaknesses,
Shining out at my moments,
Moments of vulnerability,
Gathering momentum
With each brush
Of warm Skin.

Push and drag
Your jewels through the mud.
Carry your own shit
On your own shoulders.
I’ve got my own
Pulling me down
Down to my basic levels.
The measure of a man
Seems insignificant now,
Now that I’m naked
And standing in the light.
Make way for the king
Of the world
Limited by his own
Inhibitions,
Insecurities,
Tears that hang on the lashes,
Never releasing
Adding moisture to the breeze.
Insult to injury
Unreleased.
I smell my own stench
Afraid to share it with others.

Whom do I distrust?
Contemplation?
Thoughts on my existence?
Can it be that bad?
Will I ever find out?
Never
Never – as long
As I melt with magma
The core of my sins
Hidden, brooding, boiling,
Hatred spurning
Love.
Where did it come from?
Did the breezes return?
Carrying life back
In an unending circle?
It remained all along
Just in different places
At different times.
Inter-dimensional,
Multi-faceted
`Tis the curse
Of he who gives blessings.

Bless this one, oh Lord
Bless her
Make her whole
With or without me,
Love runs its course.

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She’s a bubbling inspiration
Of countless untold joys,
And secret violations,
And deadly inhibitions…
On the tip of my tongue lies the honey
For the words I can’t seem to find.
She may laugh and think this if funny,
But this description belongs to me;
It is mine.

In her lie many words,
Secret and hidden,
Some words of untold beauties
Some of perversions forbidden.
Yet, like a lark,
Her merry heart is so astounding.
It overflows with an epidemic of joy.
It’s contagious;
It seems to surround me.
`Tis enough to leave one’s head pounding.

A little rhyme,
A note, an aire:
These are what she gives,
What she has to offer.
But few know
There is so much more there.
Secrets her eyes tell,
Secrets she whispers even softer.

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It’s the end of her,
But it’s not the end of me.
My heart’s about to break
As I see her slip beneath the waves.
An ocean of death rolls over her.
What can I do to save her?
Blindly she walks forward
Into the demon’s arms.
Blindly she is drawn to death.
Blindly she is going down,
Bound against a stone.
Powerless to interfere
I watch in horror
The scene laid out before my eyes.
I don’t know how I’ll make it
When she’s gone,
Gone to love’s binding grave.
But, the guilt I feel now
Will never go away
Although I may not end today
Today I watch my sister die.

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I sing of life
I sing more than words
I sing melody and rhythm
I sing for joy

Life is a joy
Of abundance and flavor
Life is a song
It goes on forever

I sing of leaves and grass and air
I sing of the smells
That drift through the air
I sing of sunshine

Songbirds sing with me.
We sing of beauty.
We are full of our happiness.
We share it with the world

The world is so full of music
Music rings from the trees
As the sun filters down
To my earth down below
Where I sing and I play
And life fulfills life
‘Cuz I’m alive today

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It’s great when your
Second time feels like
The first.
Don’t be mislead
Merely by words.
The first time was
Disorganized
To say the least.
And I was untrained.
How rude!
Of course what did
I know?
New learning, new
Knowledge,
But getting over it,
I’ve found something
Real.
And it may be the
Second Experience,
But the first time
Right.
I know
Much better now.
Education is nice.
Experience is better.
Redemption is so
Refreshing.
And starting fresh?
Welcome to heaven.

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Can you see?
Thank you.

When I come in the morning
I’ll envelop your face.
Like the skin you wear now,
That sheet I can replace.
For every sad misconception,
To which you so dearly hold.
A piece of mind does not exist;
A piece of skin…

What does it take?
Who should I be?
I’d give anything to help you see.
I myself live in the dark.
I may be blind,
But it’s your vision I can give
If you choose to have life,
My life I’ll let you live.

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Some fear death –
Is it an end in itself?
Some fear growing old –
What dark path lies ahead?
Some fear pain –
Can it be fathomed?
Some fear the lack of love –
Isn’t it equal to the above?
Some fear the lack of freedom –
But, where does freedom come from?

I fear the lack of knowledge.
How can I know what lies beneath the skin?
The human soul is a soft and sad deception.
More than anything I wish
I could know someone’s pure motives.
Yet, the more I live
the more I realize how little
I know about my deepest inner soul.
How much more can I know
or understand about anyone else?
I shudder at the fact
that no matter how well I know anyone,
I can never have pure confidence
In people’s motives.
If I can deceive myself
you can deceive yourself
right along with me.
Is that what makes love so special?
The more you give to another person
the more you open yourself
to the pain that they can cause you.
Blind love ignores the danger of closeness
True love sees the danger
yet sacrifices personal confidence
in security from the lack of love,
pain, a future of sadness, and a lonely death.
That is why we have One security,
and no matter who fails
we can live free of fear
of loosing the One.

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A piece falls to a cold barren ground.
I sit alone in my world.
I watch as the smoke curls to the sky.
Twisting, it is liberated as it ascends
To the great open.

People…
Where are all the people?
Another piece falls.
Burned, used, and wasted.
I smell the stale air
Mixed with my own aroma.
As night falls I begin to notice my solitary glow.
But I am not warmed.
Still cold I labor on.
But I labor alone.
Alone, yes.
Did you hear me? Alone!
But there is no one listening.
Another piece drifts away
Shattering softly as it touches the ground.

Reflecting…
I see the remains of those who came before me
Scattered and swirling in the wind.
The more I lose
The quicker I approach the end.
I’m losing purpose.
I’m losing function.
I’m losing order.
I’m losing it all;
Everything that I never had to begin with.
Who am I?

Solitary…
Yet another piece falls down.
Down, down, down
The consuming spiral
That tears apart your soul.
It eats away; consumes me.
As I smolder to a slow nothingness,
Smoke goes up –
Ashes drift down…

I glow bright today.
But my empty existence is reaching its time.
Its finite time,
Time of termination.
I feel it coming as my fingers glow warmer.
My lips will soon be still.
My taste will diminish.
I will be snuffed out
With no aftertaste to leave behind.
I see it!
It’s coming!
Another piece blows away.
I’m on my last strand.
I think I’m there…

…I cease to think.
I was.
I no longer be.
I burned out alone;
Always alone.
I reached that point.
Only my filter remains.
And it is cast among
The rest.
The rest.
Useless.
Alone.
I pause.
I die.